I normally don’t get this personal here but I’ve learned that sharing can help someone else.
Rewind to 2 years ago I was afraid at just the thought of being a single woman and mom. I was a stay-at-home mom for most of our marriage and I knew the changes were going to be major and hard. I remember sharing my fears with my girlfriend who was recently divorced and she smiled at me and calmly said, “You’re going to be just fine, honey.” I was mad at her; did she not grasp what was going to happen to me? LOL. Seems silly to me now to have doubted her. My girlfriends loved and supported me in every way through this process. I am so blessed.
2 years of therapy, small group through my church, anti-depressants, meditation, yoga and serious soul searching. I had Come to Jesus meetings with myself all.the.time. It was a conscious effort to not crumble. After separating, I found out many lies…so much deceit and he just wasn’t who I married anymore at all. He had cheated before but the level of sneakiness was just gross. Our divorce wasn’t final and he had alienated our children, hidden (or at least tried to) the fact he relocated his mistress to our neighborhood, bought her a car and an engagement ring. I learned a lot through various court hearings and he even lied under oath. He simply wasn’t the man I married. He’s posing as a church pastor and CFO while claiming unemployment. While it hurt to come to terms with this new reality…it has also helped!
Fast forward to today, there is still healing to do and new hurdles. Claiming to be unemployed (The good reverend and CFO) is already late with his first child support + alimony payment. Oh and no, he doesn’t see his kids per the Parenting Plan which is just as well, he has been so messy they aren’t in a rush to hang out with him either. I’m working; a flexible job that I enjoy in my degree’d field and while I’m stretched running around between 3 children, I’m glad I’m able to. I’m dating and that’s new (LOL) but it’s been fun.
This I know: we are better off. My kids need a father that will lead by example. They are striving in school and we have all gotten closer. We are a team. I encourage them to love him and give it time to get better. They have positive self images and are great kids. As for me, I have trust issues, financial woes and I don’t know what tomorrow holds…but I’m happier than I’ve been in many, many years. I was coasting through life; taking care of him and the kids and putting myself last. I’m learning to do more for myself and enjoying being single. For now I feel safe being single. Divorce is not the end for me, it’s the beginning! AND…I forgive him; I’m not bound by hate! Life is good! Goodness is in store for me. Until next time…xox, Pascha.